I am angry.



It hits me like waves. I can be fine one moment minding my own business and then a songs comes on, or the wind carries a familiar smell and I’m transported back to that very moment with you.

It takes my breath away.

For a moment I catch myself smiling because I want to believe that you’re sending me a sign letting me know, “Hey I’m still here”. But just as fast as that smile spreads across my lips, the dull ache unfolds in the back of my throat. My chest feels heavy and most days I’ll let the tears flow freely. I am reminded that you’re no longer here on earth.

I find myself incredibly sad. Longing for you.

There is no way for me to explain it, not to myself, let alone another.

I wonder how some people move on so quickly. Allow another love in their lives.

I am angry because I can’t rationalize this hold your memory has on my heart.

 

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