Browsing Facebook has become part of my morning routine; admitting that I feel anxiety when I’m disconnected from social media makes me cringe (I’ve become “that” person) but it’s my truth and I have no shame in that.
So there I am clicking, browsing, LOL’ing at some ridiculously lame video, but funny nonetheless, I came across the following words:
“The truth will set you free. But first it will piss you off.”
I find this not only cheeky and cynical but sad. I Googled Gloria Steinem (author) and spent over an hour reading up on this wonderful, beautifully strong woman. “Feminist, journalist, and social and political activist…” http://http://www.gloriasteinem.com
Every single word in this statement is powerful. It hits so close to home for me. I’ve adopted a way of dealing with the negative, with the ugliness that causes me discomfort by simply not acknowledging its presence in my life. Same concept as, if you don’t see the bill you don’t have to acknowledge that you owe money and therefore, you don’t have to pay it. Well, until the bill collector comes knocking at your door. The last 4 years have brought so much into my life. The birth of my first child; his existence gives me hope. Hope that I can be the mother that can love herself and in that love him unconditionally. I’ve begun a journey of self discovery. It’s scary and I want to quit; because quitting would allow me to only focus on the good and positives vibes instead of focusing on the pain. The grief that I’ve yet to deal with. Embracing self-acceptance and owning my truth.
I have also lost so much. I lost the man who I loved so deeply. I lost him twice; the second time around to death. And I’m pissed off. I haven’t come to terms with this loss because I still hold so much anger and guilt. But I am finally at a point in my life where I accept that I can’t shove these feelings in my junk drawer and keep on keepin’ on as if they don’t exist.
I just turned 31 this year (yikes) and although I feel as young as ever I’ve come to the realization that I haven’t accomplished all that I wanted to in my life. And that it is okay. What I do have is more than enough. I am enough.
That my friends is my truth.